Yeah, It’s All About Dad

claires

Walking through a shopping mall today with my two boys, I just stopped in my tracks and peered into a Claire’s store.  After staring into the haven of trinkets for young girls for just a few seconds, I sped ahead to catch up with the boys.

“I kind of miss going into Claire’s on every mall trip with your sisters.”

Macy and Maddie are 18 & 20 now.  Maddie is away at college five hours to the northeast.  Her sister is four hours to the south, graduating from college in April and preparing for a wedding in September.

But in those few seconds in front of Claire’s, I was taken back in time.  Following two little bright-eyed girls around the displays, patiently waiting while they chose their treasures of the day.  Bracelets, earrings, Hello Kitty wallets, wooden jewelry bins covered in butterflies.

“Thank you daddy!”

Somewhere in another part of the mall, their mother would have been searching for a new Power Rangers action figure for an energetic and excited little brother.

Somehow, quite a few Power Rangers action figures have survived the passage of time and remain stored in assorted bins around our home.  I’m sure that few items remain from the trips to Claire’s.  Simple memories stick around though.

Our trip to the mall today was just an effort to get out of the house.  Doing something just for the sake of doing something together.  That something turned out to be the new Power Rangers movie.  So we met up with my wife and a friend to watch it together (I don’t think Power Rangers was their first movie choice…….or second).  I had these strange thoughts as the movie progressed:

“I’m not one to enjoy or waste my time with mindless entertainment, but I’m loving this movie (and I have this sinking feeling that I am the only one of our five that doesn’t think this movie is horrible).”

power rangers

Kal is 11 and the family movie critic.  He loved it and his 17 year-old brother did too.  Their mother even loved it.  But for me it was more than a movie.  It was a trip down memory lane.  Jumping up to run around the room to loudly sing the Power Rangers Dino Thunder theme song to the dismay of my whole family.  Driving around the state for our girls travel soccer games with a flip down TV monitor displaying a Power Rangers marathon for all in the back seats (the girls wouldn’t admit it, but they couldn’t help watching too).

So tonight, stuck in a strange mood, and missing our girls, I’m just thankful for happy memories of little things.  Thankful that I have memories that make me smile instead of regrets that bring sorrow.

For parents, when the time comes when our kids are no longer under our roofs, some things just seem to come into clearer view.  What we did well.  Where we came up short.  I won’t talk about what an amazing mother my wife is, because that’s just a foregone conclusion.  But I will share some truth about little things that dads can do to have an amazing impact on the lives of their children.

  1. Be physically present.  Our kids should never entertain the idea that they are less important than our jobs, our golf game, our fishing trips, or our workout schedule. Don’t underestimate the value (when schedules allow it) of being there when they wake up or go to bed, along with the value of attending as many school functions, recitals, and sporting events as possible.
  2. Be mentally present.  Look your kids in the eye when they speak and listen as if it’s the most important thing that’s ever been spoken.  Get your nose out of your smartphone or laptop and interact with your kids.  You only get one chance to raise your kids, don’t miss it (no regrets).
  3.  Be emotionally present.   Most of the time, guys aren’t exactly gifted in the area of saying the right thing (especially when our daughters become teenagers).  But thankfully, frequent hugs and pats on the shoulder are a valuable and acceptable substitute.  
  4. Choose your words wisely.  Kids are guided less by the instructions that we give them than they are by the manner in which we speak to and about others.  The way we speak to and about their mother (even if she’s not your wife) is so vital.

     5. Make memories.  Doesn’t have to be an expensive trip or adventure.  It just has         to be a shared experience.  Shared experiences build relationships.  Kids need           good relationships with their dads.  Watch a ballgame.  Go grocery shopping.             Go fishing. Play video games or board games.  Read books to your little ones.

Just be there.  When I read stories of American cities with annual homicides over 800 and shootings over 3,600 it makes me wonder………………

No, I’m not wondering if we have too many guns or what our government can do to swing things in the other direction.  I’m wondering how many of these shooters spent time in Claire’s with their dad and how many of their dads can name more than one Power Rangers series (Dino Thunder was my favorite).  Probably not too many.

It’s pretty simple stuff.  Hey dads, your kids need you.  Be the best dad you can be.  Start today…………maybe with a simple prayer,

“Lord, help me to be the best daddy I can be, and guide me to raise this child in a way that’s pleasing to You.”

I’ll bet you can change the world!

 

 

Are My Kids Gonna Recognize and Avoid That Big Pile of Poo?

poop shoe

Right from wrong.  Truth.  All parents want their kids to recognize these things.  How will our children choose what is right?  How will they define what is right?  How will they become critical thinkers?

Ultimately, will they develop good decision-making skills?

It won’t happen by accident.  Blessed with young children in your home?   Embrace opportunities early on to not only teach right from wrong, but also to demonstrate truths, values, and worldviews that will form the foundation of their ability to make good decisions as they mature.

When my kids were small I made a habit of pushing their buttons of critical thinking by giving them small doses of impossibilities.  Tell them you think a puzzle piece goes somewhere it can’t possibly go.  Tell them to try the square peg in the round hole.  Watch their reactions, guide them toward finding the truth for themselves and toward correct solutions to problems without blindly accepting everything they are told.  They don’t have to “question everything” but they do need to assess the value and truth of things as they grow.  Crap or not crap?

The bad news is that the world is full of lies.  But…..the good news is that the world is full of lies.  Teaching moments come in large doses these days.  Failure is a great teacher.  TV and social media flood our lives with perfect examples of “how not to do things”.

Be ready to engage in conversations with your kids about the aftermath of bad decisions and the complete crisis of truth.  If you are a believer in the truths of the Holy Bible, then you must help your kids figure out daily how to apply these truths in a broken world……….to recognize crap when they see it, to realize when things have no value.

Parents who are silent in these areas risk seeing their kids’ system of values shaped instead by a culture that spews this garbage and more:

-Life is supposed to be fair.

-Other people owe me something.  Personal responsibility amounts to talking about what other people should be providing for me.

-There is great value in physical appearance, along with the attention and approval of others.

-If you don’t like the rules, re-shape them to meet your own desires.

-Instant gratification always outweighs patience, obedience, and hard work.  You can start at the top.

-If you fail, it must be somebody else’s fault.  Nothing wrong with blaming and excuse making.

-Lying is ok as long as you compare yourself to “worse acts”.  Results are more important than honesty and integrity.

-If you fail to embrace a decaying system of truth and morality, you must be a hater, bigot, sexist, racist.

-The president controls jobs and the economy and my prospect of work.

-It’s of utmost importance, not only to be right, but to convince others that you are right and they are wrong.

-Bruce Jenner……nah, not even opening that one up.

-It’s ok for Christians to spew venom toward and gossip about their brothers behind their backs……as long as they don’t use 4-letter words while they’re doing it.

There is an abundance of crap out there and it changes every day.  As parents, arm yourself with prayer and truth each day. Eyes and ears open.   Be intentional when your kids are young.  Set out to not only arm them with truth but instill in them a desire to choose it and live it.

Philippians 4

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Recognize the pile of poo.  Steer away from it.  Steer others away.

Heaven Help Me, I’ve Become A Liberal

What the heck is a liberal?

Disclaimer first:  I don’t dig too deeply into politics.  For those of you who do, please forgive my errors in assumptions, classifications, definitions, and generalizations.

I associate liberalism with the practice of looking at that which is deemed socially or biblically acceptable or unacceptable,

and constantly re-shaping it to meet one’s own desires, habits, and beliefs.

If you can’t live with the rules, change the rules.  There is no absolute measure of right and wrong.  Just be yourself.

Adapt the truths instead of adapting yourself to truths.

Maybe a perfect example of liberal thinking happened recently in the world of college football.

Last year’s Heisman trophy winner Johnny Manziel  was seemingly in big trouble for signing autographs for money.

This is a practice clearly against NCAA rules for its student athletes.

Manziel is a kid from a wealthy family who apparently wanted something immediately that

exceeded what his budget would allow,so he knowingly broke the rules to make some quick bucks.

The alarming part wasn’t that the NCAA penalty was a whopping half-game suspension.

The disturbing part was the outcry of national media folks  defending Manziel because the “rules weren’t fair”.

manziel

He “should” be able to sell autographs for money.  Let’s change the system.

Forget the fact that he thought he was bigger than the system and the rules that were in place.

His university is making big bucks from his affiliation with their football program.

Sooooo, I mean, who can blame him?  Right?  Wrong, blame falls squarely on him.

We should….

Everybody deserves……

But it’s not fair…….

Let’s change it.  Redefine what’s acceptable so people can do what they feel is fair (my favorite word).

And so I silently stew and fuss.  Finally try to make it a teaching point for my teenage son about consequences

and the lengths that people go to to avoid facing them……

and how easy it is to enlist supporters in this quest.

Then.  Then, I wonder if I am in fact a liberal in my own church?

Maybe I’ve seen a tradition or perhaps a widely accepted view and set out to ignore it or change it?

No, I’m not talking about selling the church piano on ebay and sneaking in a bad reincarnation of Stryper to lead worship.

stryper

I am talking about people’s views on what is acceptable dress in churches.

I have silently and systematically rebelled against the notion that people have to dress in a certain manner when they enter God’s house for worship.

More specifically, it sort of itches my rear when someone expresses with words, attitutde, or looks a displeasure or disapproval with another’s choice of attire.

Modesty?  Of course.  Nobody wants to see some guy in a wife-beater just because he wants to show off his new tattoos  and big guns.

Ladies, if your skirt is shorter than my underwear,

I would have to question why you would wear that anywhere in public, not just church.

And perhaps even the sloppiest of dressers like myself should make some concessions.

I won’t wear the same shoes to church that I mow the yard in, and I have an Iron Maiden

“Trooper” shirt with blood splatters that I save for special occasions of a different type (date night with my wife-it’s her favorite shirt you know).

I think it’s awesome when people feel the need to put on their “Sunday finest” as a matter of reverence toward God.

benny hinn

But is it sometimes done for show or to meet the expectations of men?  Is it an exclusionary tradition that keeps new people away from church?

Obviously, people grasp for the closest and most convenient reasons why they can’t or won’t at least visit your church.

Most common phrase I hear is, “I don’t have anything to wear”.

Save your money and I’ll check back with you when you have enough to buy nice clothes?

I live with the philosophy that every church needs a good number of people that can honestly say,

“you can dress like me.  I wear what I’m wearing now, blue jeans and t-shirt.”

It’s not a lack of reverence, just a sign of outreach.

Let’s eliminate one reason you have for not taking the first step toward knowing Jesus as your savior.

What if I get up to preach (gasp!) in sandals and a wrinkly t-shirt?  Would you listen?

Would nicer, more traditional “preacher attire” make me a more credible

speaker of God’s word?  Gee, maybe I gave all my money to the poor and an old Stryper shirt is all I have left?

You just don’t know.

Do I honestly own nice clothes?  No.  Doesn’t matter if I can’t afford them or simply choose not to spend for them.

Do I try to poke holes in man-made traditions?  Yes.

Am I drifting into liberal waters?   Perhaps, but I’m not crossing the line of worship evolving into a casual or cool event either.

Am I attempting to change God’s commands or truths?  Absolutely not.

Bottom line.  Why do you do what you do?  Because your parents did it this way?  Because the Bible says?

Know the difference.

For a person to find find a relationship with God, somebody has to have a relationship with THAT person.

Churches need to find the ability and willingness to attract and welcome all types of people.

Besides, Stryper didn’t reach too many with their Christian 80’s hair metal.

Somebody still has to be able to reach out to the Iron Maiden and Slayer fans, right?

Don’t judge me.  Just go along with me.  Sometimes even sit with me.

Oh dear, I’m not a liberal, but I know now why I have the only one-man pew in my entire church.

The Awesome 80’s

I see people share pages on Facebook that say “you know you’re a child of the _____ if you remember this.

So here is my version.  You know you were a teenage boy of the 80’s (with a slant toward the world of sports) if:

You either liked Bird or Magic, but not both.

You owned a pair of Converse All-Stars (bonus points if you painted the star your school colors)

80s-nba

 

You can name all 6 actresses who were Charlie’s Angels.

You hated the Detroit Pistons.

You have stumbled onto an episode of Happy Days in recent years and wonder how you ever found it tolerable.

You thought the Mattel handheld football and basketball games with lighted lines for players were awesome.

mattel-footballbox

 

You thought the graphics on Intellivision were awesome.

intellivision-baseball

You thought Daryl Dawkins shattering a backboard was a greater feat than putting a man on the moon.

You heard the story of Darrel Griffith grabbing a coin off the top of a backboard.

darrel griffith

You had at least one argument over pronouncing Nike the right way.

You remember the Zips commercials (Zips a big z)

You realize you could have been rendered sterile from wearing skin tight jeans and basketball shorts.

You argued with at least one guy that swore he could hit a baseball further with a wood bat than with an aluminum bat.

You got excited when you pulled an Oscar Gamble card out of a package of Topps baseball cards.

gamble

You became an expert on the different types of tape because you had to put tape on every wiffle ball bat to keep from destroying them and to add distance.

You got pretty excited about the invention of the cassette adapter (so you could play them in your 8-track player).

You stayed up late on Friday night because that was the only time to watch an NBA game.

You made fun of Rick Barry for shooting free throws granny style.

You were determined that you wouldn’t buy cd’s because you owned 200 cassettes.

You still buy cd’s and call them albums.

You can name 6 guys who owned a Chevy Chevette or a Ford Escort.

chevette

Your parents still don’t know you watched “10” or “Animal House” when you were 11.

You knew that going down a hill on a skateboard too fast could kill you because all skateboards sucked and the wheels would start wobbling at high speeds.

big-red

You know what “backwards masking is” and can still remember the backwards message of at least 3 songs.

You still can’t get your wife or children to truly appreciate the musical brilliance of Van Halen.