When God Speaks Through Silence, Little Girls, and Heartache

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My gosh! I’m in a funk. But I’ll get through this.

And because I’m a few beats off and “life’s a long song” (Jethro Tull), the lyrics to Suicidal Tendencies’ classic “Institutionalized” keep rattling in my brain:

No it’s ok, you know I’ll figure it out, just leave me alone, I’ll figure it out.  You know I’ll just work by myself.

Because God gave me a brain and I’m supposed to use it, right?  And I pray but I’m not sure what I’m praying for.  What am I supposed to see here?  Nothing in my life has changed but I sure do seem to be stopped in my tracks.

Peace, joy, happiness, contentment….I have all these things.  Depression?  No.

Maybe “oldtimers” would call it “being under conviction” in some way.  Abilility to concentrate leaves.  Usual passions of life escape me.  Willingness to patiently lead and encourage is gone.  Patience leaves altogether.  I begin to believe there is value in quietly making people around me uncomfortable.  I don’t want to be out in front anymore, don’t want to lead.  Just want to hide in the corner.

Backing up a bit, my wife and I have been blessed with four children (ages 8-18).  At some point we realized we may never have a greater opportunity, because of the hectic schedules of our kids, to intersect our lives with others and be a positive influence for Christ.  In recent years, I’ve stepped into plenty of situations in coaching youth sports and church leadership where my own wits and skills were sorely lacking, but God always provided the way through.

Making a choice to allow yourself to be spread thin for God requires faith.  And it makes your faith grow in amazing ways. 

Am I getting lazy?  Lacking faith, giving in to the temptation of taking the easy way out?

So what’s wrong with me?  Week after week, that unsettled feeling.  Is God telling me something by not telling me anything at all?

Always looking for perspective……prayer, meditation, reflection…..trying to piece things together.  Take a step back because you can’t see the forest from the trees.

Questions.  If you consider all the things that fill up your days and take up your time & energy…….if you dumped all the pieces out on the floor in front of you……how many pieces would have enough value that they would be worth picking up and carrying again?

Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version (NIV)

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,

Seasons change.  What is good today may not be good tomorrow.  Even though Christians may be working toward the same goal, it doesn’t mean that we are called to travel the same path every day of our life.

stopMy apologies for the Vanilla Ice reference.

Weeks later.  The same funk.  But I listen.  If God is speaking, I don’t hear Him.  I don’t see where He’s steering me.

I made a 4-hour drive one day to watch my daughter’s college soccer game.  In a 0-0 game, she took a shot with under a minute to go that would have won the game.  The goalie made a great stop.  With 20 seconds left in overtime, she took a shot that would have won the game.  It banged off the post.  In the second overtime the opponent took their first true shot on goal.  It went in.  Game over.

Some of her teammates were laying on the field in anguish.  Others were walking slowly off the field hanging their heads low.  I looked up to see Macy walking swiftly off the field with her head held high.  After meeting briefly with her team, she walked across the field toward me and greeted me with a smile and a hug, “Hi daddy, are you hungry?”

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On my long drive home late that night, I knew that in some way, God had spoken.

Parents want to raise exceptional kids.  For me, that means loving and serving God, possessing high character.  I saw great character in my daughter, competing to the best of her ability (exhaustion to the point of vomitting later in the evening) coupled with the perspective of putting a game of soccer in its proper place in life.  No anguish, no blaming teammates or referees.  Head held high.  Knowing what’s important in life.

Character doesn’t happen by accident.

In a text conversation with Macy I commented (in my soured mood) that I was tired of working too much, “raising adults”, and being pulled in so many directions.

Macy has an 8 year-old brother at home.  It occurred to me that I certainly wasn’t pulled in so many directions when Macy was 8. The A-Ha moment.   Character does not happen be accident.

I started writing this weeks ago.  It appears that God added another treasured piece of direction for me today when I attended the funeral of a very special lady.  My stepmother’s dear mother passed away unexpectedly this past week.  She was an amazing lady who touched the lives of so many people.  What occurred to me as I listened to people speaking at her service was how deeply devoted she was to her family.  For someone who loves Jesus as she did, the impact of a lifetime of love and service and devotion to family can never be measured.

I give thanks to God for little girls.  They grow up to be big girls and help their dads figure out where God may be leading them.  And I thank God today for the lady that my kids affectionately called “Mammy”.  They saw the loving character of Christ in her each time they were in her presence, and her loving influence on them lives on.

Know your season.  It’s always the season to love, treasure, and guide your family in a Godly way above all else.

Do not allow yourself to be distracted.  Don’t lose sight of who needs AND depends you loving influence every single day.

Be cautious of trying to play hero to too many people.  You may end up being a hero to none.

Don’t Forget to Play Video Games With the Kids…….Seriously

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This was supposed to be a piece about lessons learned as a dad in the nine years that separated the births of my oldest daughter and my youngest son.

I had points to make about second chances to get things right.  Opportunities I surely wouldn’t miss the second time around.  Overreactions and blowups that wouldn’t repeat themselves.

One thing is certain.  With older siblings aged 18, 16, and 15, I have become very comfortable in my role as  a dad with 8 year-old Kal.  I have relaxed more and simply enjoyed the moments of being his dad.  There is peace that comes from experience as a parent and a maturing trust in God.

But a funny thing happened on my way to writing about lessons learned by a veteran dad.  I learned another big lesson.

Kal accidentally let me know that he probably hasn’t enjoyed me as a dad as much as his brother and sisters have.  Sure,  my role as a father isn’t to just have fun and be the good guy all the time.  The balance between rules and relationships is a delicate one that parents should not neglect maintaining.

But when parents try to maximize quality time and quantity time together with their kids in the middle of busy schedules, moments of simply enjoying one another’s company need to be actively sought.

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What was my offense?

Simply forgetting history and failing to get a clear picture of the present.

Words innocently spoken by my son, “Dad you remember that ONE time you played Wii U with me?  That was really fun”.   Not too bad on the surface, but underneath it smells really bad.

Today’s kids prefer apps on Ipods over console games.  Why is this even important?

Because I spent enormous amounts of what would be classified as “quantity time” with my three older kids when they were ages 5-12 just goofing off playing Nintendo64, Gamecube, and Wii.

TOGETHER, we conquered Zelda, Lego Star Wars (3 editions), Mario, Smash Brothers, and Animal Crossing.  And yes, there were countless hours spent hammering out music TOGETHER on 5 versions of Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

Looking back, what I thought was quantity time turned out to be time of the highest quality with my kids.  Times when our worlds came together easily.  Those moments aren’t easy to come by as they get older.

Just to set the record straight, I despise having kids stay in a room alone to play video games or playing inside instead of outside.

Be aware of too many precious hours spent “doing your thing” while your kids are doing theirs.  And be aware of taking the easy way out as a parent simply because older siblings “occupy” younger siblings time so well at times.

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We only have so many days and so many hours to influence our children and the direction their lives take.  We must be in their presence, in both mind and body, to have a meaningful impact.

Realize that times change.  Parents spend too much time with a laptop or cellphone in their line of vision.  Kids spend too much time occupying themselves with Ipods and Ipads.

Get your kids in your line of vision.  And look at the same things they’re looking at.

I just need to convince Kal that I actually can play games with him.  Apparently he’d made some efforts for me to join him and was left with the impression that I was an incompetent gamer.  I guess I told him to ask his brother to be his partner or for answers way too many times.

I spent too much time trying to come up with BIG quality time adventures that he wasn’t interested in.

Kal just wanted to play WiiU with his dad.  Those were great times for him.  He told me so.

Bring your worlds together while you can.

Time together IS quality time.

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Pretty Is A 4-letter Word

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Raising Strong Daughters Part 3.

….and this one applies to sons also.

My dream is to have kids who don’t comb/brush their hair, aren’t bothered by standing in public with their fly open, and only look in the mirror to practice making goofy faces.

I’d rather hear my kids drop an F-bomb than to ask, “Dad, what will people think?”.

No, I don’t subscribe to the “just be yourself” mentality that becomes a convenient excuse for disobedience to God.

Psalm 139:13-14  (NIV)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Wonderfully made by our Heavenly Father.

Teach it to our children early and often.  The world teaches something else entirely.

Living to impress people.  Modern culture sells it at an alarming rate.  Parents buy it.  Our kids grow up not knowing any better.

We say stupid things, “You’re not going out of the house looking like that are you?”  (variations of this prase are allowed when it comes to modest dress).

We spend too much time standing in front of the mirror.  Spend too much time taking care of our appearance every single time we go out in public.

We watch garbage on TV that sends a terribly wrong message about what is important in life.

We buy stupid things to make us look better, skinnier, younger, wealthier.

We obsess over “PRETTY”.

Yeah I’m a man and I’m getting into dangerous territory.   It’s important for girls to feel pretty, blah blah blah.

So don’t get me wrong.  I’m not talking about insecurities of teen girls.  I’m talking about small steps along the way before they are teens.

The habits, words, and actions of parents that shape their confidence, strength, and identity.

 I’m talking about overkill….an overuse of the word “pretty” that ties in neatly with an unhealthy approval-seeking quest.

A quest where security in one’s identity only comes to those who possess physical beauty, those who win the approval of others.

The selfie generation.

If you’re concerned as a parent with your daughter’s ability to attract boys…..then I don’t really know what to tell you.

If your hope and prayer is for daughters with a strength that comes from their faith , then I push for a simple awareness.

To know they are wonderfully made does not happen by accident.  And it must go much deeper than constant chatter about appearance.

We should all have more concern with Who made us than with who likes us.

Easier said than done.  But peace and inner strength come when we live to please God instead of living to please and impress others.

It’s not something we can just pass on to our kids when they’re old enough to leave home.

Tell them and show them that they’re awesome every day, “I’m so glad God made me your daddy, and I’m so glad He made you my daugher.”

Give thanks to God (in their presence) that He made them just the way they are.

Don’t start babbling with the “boyfriend” talk when they’re six years old.

Walk around in public occasionally with your fly open to properly demonstrate that “we shouldn’t worry what others think”.

Model for them a life that says at all times, “God matters”.

Avoid innocent phrases degrading yourself that aren’t so innocent when a child hears them in repitition; “I look awful”  “I feel fat”  “I can’t go out of the house looking like this”.

Tell them they’re beautiful inside and out.

Encourage a life of Bible-reading in your daughter.  Let them see you reading……that God’s word is an important part of your life.

The truth is that we all need to feel pretty, wanted, and accepted in some way.

But before our daughters become old enough to worry about it, let”s make sure they fully understand that they are “WONDERFULLY MADE”.

THE DAUGHTER OF A KING

 

 

 

The Danger of Leading From the Rear

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I’ve always been a “lead from the rear” kind of guy.

A firm believer in letting my kids, basketball players, or co-workers learn from their own missed steps off the beaten path.

I don’t have to choose every step for them.  I just have to watch from the rear and make sure they’re safe.

But there’s a big difference in the ones that are simply safe and the ones that are scared or hurting…..those needing guidance or encouragement.  I suppose I’ve missed a lot of those opportunities by watching over the whole flock without looking closely at individual faces.

Some lessons take a while to sink in.  I learned this one while helping with my church’s VBS this past summer.

I had the easiest volunteer job available (crew leader 4th & 5th graders).  This is the age where kids are on the borderline of being too old and cool to attend VBS.  My job was simply to follow them around to various craft, snack, story, and worship stations/activities and keep them safe (or just inside the church building)……a shepherd of sorts.

On the first night, my group went from opening worship time into the craft room with me “leading from the rear”, just counting heads.  I looked casually around the room during crafts to make sure nobody needed help.  It seemed that kids ranging from 2nd to 5th grade were placed together for this activity.  My own 2nd grade son was in the room, so I mostly walked around the room fist-bumping kids I knew, small-talking with other adults, and giving little notice to the kids I didn’t know.

Something was different on the 2nd night as we entered the craft room and the kids began working on a slightly more challenging project, a bead bracelet.

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Before I ever started surveying the room for kids that might be having difficulty with their project, the voice of a single child caught my attention.

My eyes followed the sound of a voice that seemed a bit deep for a 4th or 5th grader.  I spotted a boy whose body matched his voice.  He was just a bit larger in size than the other kids in his age group and he was seated at a table next to my 2nd grade son Kal.

His loud conversations with Kal told me that he was probably more comfortable talking to Kal than with the kids his age.

I continued to watch and listen as they began their bracelet project.  There was something heartwarming and special in the way this boy interacted with my much younger son…..a kindness and innocence that usually disappears by the time boys reach the age of entering middle school.

I could see that he was having trouble threading his beads onto the string bracelet.

So I just pulled up a chair.

The boy’s name was Gabe.  I helped him string his beads and finish his bracelet.  And we talked.  Gabe was starting middle school in a few weeks.  He seemed very nervous about it.  I assured him that I had three kids who had recently finished at the school he was starting and that they all loved it there.  I told him I had coached basketball there and I knew the teachers there were great.  But I doubted that I eased his fears.

As my group of kids (14 of them) filed up the church stairs for our closing worship session in the auditorium, I trailed behind them once again.  The first kids through the door sparked and enthusiastic question (a joke of a question because of my reserved personality with kids) from my pastor’s wife,

“Who thinks they have the greatest crew leader here tonight?”

Silence……except for Gabe.  He shyly raised his hand.  And quietly said, “I do.”

I understand now that my actions that night had little impact on his life.

But this special young man found a place in my heart and perhaps served a great purpose in my life.

To follow Jesus means that we are willing to make changes to our sinful, selfish self in order to be more like our Savior.

Jesus was a shepherd.  But I’m pretty certain now, because of Gabe, that Jesus was most definitely a “pull up a chair” kind of guy.

Jesus found the person in the crowd that needed Him most, and met them where they were.

If you’re only looking at the crowd as a whole, you’ll never notice that person that needs you most.  The one that may truly need your love, kindness, encouragement, gratitude, or prayers.

Leading from the rear has its value.  But just being safe isn’t enough.

You can’t tell who needs you if you aren’t willing to look at the faces you’re leading.

I pray that middle school is kind to Gabe.  I’m certain that there are people there who will “pull up a chair” if he needs it.

And I’m certain that I’m thankful for lessons learned in my short time with this special young man.

 

 

Getting It Right (by accident?)

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“He never dismisses a parent’s prayer.  Keep giving your child to God, and in the right time and the right way, God will give your child back to you.”    Max Lucado – Fearless

Parents pray for the health and safety of their kids.

Sometimes we just ask for God’s help in raising them.

“God, please guide us.  Help us to be the best mom and dad we can be.”

We may not know exactly what we’re asking for.

And more often than not, we are clueless about what an answered prayer even looks like.

Sometimes we stumble along in the dark with poor decisions and reactions, without purpose or direction.

We forget what we even prayed for.

Every now and then, we remember that our children belong to God.

Just a small dose of surrender and a nudging from the Holy Spirit and cool things happen.

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Big sister is into her 3rd week away at college.  Little 8 year-old brother decides to start sleeping in her bed (DirecTV in her room).

As bedtime nears, he starts babbling to his mother and me, ” you know how I wake up at 5 or 6 in the morning and come to your bed sometimes……I have a great idea.  The next time I do that, I’m just gonna get up and make me some coffee (Macy left a coffe-maker in her room).

What runs through my mind is this, “blah blah blah.  That’s about the goofiest thing I’ve heard all day.  Sure son, whatever.”

At bedtime, I have dozed off in my recliner.  I’m awakened by Kal asking me to help him carry his coffee fixings upstairs to Macy’s room.

My initial irritation fades a bit when I walk into the kitchen and see his efforts that followed his big idea.  Coffee scooped into a glass jar.  Bottle of water.

“Dad, can you carry the sugar up for me?” (the whole cannister)

A nudging…….and I’m in.  “Hey Kal, let’s put the sugar in a smaller container.”  More chattering comes about creamer and milk, and I patiently explain that they need to stay in the fridge.

The first trip up leads to another trip back downstairs to search the kitchen for a missing part to the coffee maker.

Once he finally gets everything arranged (for the coffee that most likely will never be brewed), the big moment comes.

“Thanks dad, you’re the best.”

I didn’t do anything.  I just went along.

But I realized almost immediately that this is what an answered prayer looks like sometimes.

When that first reaction goes away and the right path is taken.

And the gentle reminders come pouring in at a time when they are needed most:

1) Always listen to the words of your children like it’s the most important conversation you’ve ever had in your life.  If you don’t listen to them when they’re small, they won’t bother talking to you when they get older.

2) Encourage them to dream and create.  Their ideas don’t have to be great.  But if they choose to share them with you with a degree of excitement……….share the excitement.

3) When they invite you into their world, don’t miss the invitation.  If we are to influence our children in great ways, we have to find ways to get into their world……..their mind isn’t stirred or concerned with our grown-up world or the stresses of life that distract us.  Don’t allow your worlds to be separate.  Sometimes this may require parents to learn to carry on an informed conversation about Mario, Pokemon, WWE, or Zelda (no matter how goofy it may seem to us).

4) Don’t forget to pray.  Don’t forget what you prayed for.

Be ready to be nudged.

Learn from the things that don’t go right.

Learn from the things that do go well, even if it seems by accident.

Give thanks for answered prayers, even if it takes a while to recognize them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Raising Strong Daughters #2: Girls Need to Fish With Their Dad

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Little girls may not necessarily need to learn to fish in order to survive as adults.  But any time they feel like they’re the only person or the most important person in the world to their dad has to build a strong sense of value and security that carries into their adult lives.

I recall family camping trips at a local state park when my kids were small.  Macy was 6, Maddie 4, Karrick Ryne 3 at the time.  Camping with large groups of friends who also have small children creates large doses of chaos (and volume).

There were times when I would “sneak” Macy away from the surrounding wildness of the other 12 kids and head to the shaded lake shore with our fishing poles.  Quiet time.  Just one of my little girls and me.  Sometimes she was content to play with the worms.  Sometimes she caught fish and got excited.  But these moments were special……..just the two of us.

We never talked much.  Still don’t today.  Actions speak louder than words.  Just  being there for your daughter consistently has great value (especially at times when conversation becomes awkward).

As Maddie got a little older, she tagged along too.  It always seemed like the natural thing to say when we were together, “Girls, my favorite thing in the world to do is to go fishing with you!”  And it truly was.  I knew life was good.

I’m sure they didn’t know how much they meant to their dad during those times.  But it’s because of those times that they know how much they mean to me now.

Daughters are to be treasured by their dads.  If we want them to stand strong as they grow older, they must know how valued they are every step along the way.  I may be stretching things a bit here, but I’m betting that little girls that do a lot of fishing (or other things obviously) with their dads have a lot less doubts and insecurities as they get older.

Dads need to look for and create those times where their girls know they are the most important thing in the world to you.  Erase doubts.  Make them a priority.  Treasure them.

My girls’ interest in fishing faded in their teen years.  I booked a fishing charter on vacation a couple of years ago, and I’m pretty sure my girls only went because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings.  Somewhere in their minds, they probably heard, “girls, my favorite thing in the world to do is to go fishing with you.”  So they went.  And I was the one who felt treasured.

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I pretty much quit inviting them after that.  Didn’t want to guilt them into it.  On a beach vacation last year, I had been rising early in the morning to surf-fish with my boys most days.  One night Macy shocked me by asking if she could go the next morning.  I was truly touched.  Just like old times.  Quiet times, just the two of us.  Not a lot of conversation.  Just me and my big girl.  The unspoken bond built from a lifetime of moments like this (and a shared memory of being told “you can’t fish here anymore because catching sharks is illegal.”………somebody forgot to tell the shark).

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Not strong because they fish…….strong because their dad treasures them, spends time with them.

Just Buy the Paint

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“Raising Strong Daughters”,

That was going to be the name of this post.
But the thoughts and reflections have spun out of control.
What started out as four or five little points grows daily (over ten now).
I guess it’s not a coincidence that my oldest daughter turns 18 and leaves for college tomorrow.
It wouldn’t be correct to say that my life is flashing before my eyes.
But I do find myself drifting back to the day she was born (and all points in between). That wild combination of joy and fear. The realization that I was now responsible for the direction of the life of another person. A new awareness of dependence on God.
Eighteen years later……..I wouldn’t enter her in a dishwasher loading contest.
And she struggles with the concept of turning out lights in unoccupied rooms.
But for all those times I uttered that prayer,
“Lord, help their mother and me raise these children in a way that’s pleasing to You”,

I am beginning to see more clearly now the results of so many answered prayers.

Sure, there were so many times when I failed, as a dad, to listen for God’s answers, commands, and guidance.  Thankfully, as I have written before…”it takes a village”, (and she has a pretty awesome mom)

As she leaves home, I know she loves and trusts God.

She is strong.  I do not doubt her ability to make decisions.

When she was small, I never thought this day could be this way, but I am filled with peace and assurance because of the strength of her heart and character.

The moments continue flash through my mind.  What did we do right as parents?  What should we have done differently?  How did we get here?  And do I possess knowledge and experiences that have value to “younger” parents?

Hopefully I can share some insight that can help other dads (and moms?) with this and subsequent posts on the subject.

Just buy the paint.

I believe it was the summer after Macy’s freshman year of high school.  She told me she wanted to paint a mural in her bedroom.  Not just on a wall, on all four walls.  I doubted her.  My initial reaction, that I kept to myself, was that she would make a mess of the walls and be frustrated and disappointed with the result.

But when our kids believe they can do something, parents need to make it a priority to never tell them that they can’t.

“Daddy, can you just get me four sample-sized cans of paint in these four colors?”

I bought the paint.

The finished mural was “good”.  What was “great” was that she believed she could do it, and her belief led to action.

I bragged on her work and showed it off to visitors in our home.

Her artistic talents have progressed since then, and I am pretty amazed by the work she does now..

But I didn’t really do anything good as a parent.  I simply failed to do something really bad.  What if I had told her she couldn’t do it…..suppressed her creativity, her dream?  And worst of all, what if the message she heard from her dad was, “No, you can’t do that!”

Sometimes dads can be a great influence simply by recognizing mistakes before we make them.

When the opportunity arises, just buy the paint.  Don’t screw it up.  Look for AND create chances for her to create, figure things out on her own, and believe she can do anything.  Be your daughter’s biggest cheerleader.  And don’t ever tell her she can’t.

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How Will I Laugh Tomorrow…..When I Can’t Even Smile Today?

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If we fail to choose a destination, we most likely will end up in a place that we didn’t choose to be.

Punk/thrash band Suicidal Tendencies covers this concept pretty well in their 1988 song “How Will I Laugh Tomorrow…”   the next line is “when I can’t even smile today.

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Day after day, we live moment to moment, with no vision or planning for the future. No intention in our actions, no direction.  Just getting by.  Our mental state and our next action are dictated by the circumstances that we find ourselves digging out of, instead of our planning and intentions.

“The clock keeps ticking, but nothing else seems to change
Problems never solved, just rearranged
And when I think about all the times that I’ve had
Some were good most were bad”

How did I reach this point? 

Maybe a better question would be, “how did I expect to wind up anywhere else?”

When my sons do something brainless and get a horrible result, my reaction is often, “Son!  What did you think was gonna happen?”

They didn’t think far enough ahead (or they didn’t think at all).  Their vision only reached the next 2 seconds and five feet ahead.

Extend this decision making process into adulthood.

Everyone has heard, “If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over?”

Eventually, our days are filled with do overs and damage control.

We can’t concern ourselves with saving money when we’re stressing over scraping up enough to pay this months bills.

We don’t worry about where our kids will be at 18 when we are constantly at the end or our rope with a couple of toddlers.

We don’t worry about running a 5k race when we’re ready to pass out from climbing a flight of stairs.

We can’t make plans for a better career path, when we’re struggling to hang on to the job we have.

We ruin new relationships because our current relationships are such a mess that we stay in a terrible state of mind.

Try to give a youth basketball player advice on shooting mechanics.  Even if you’ve witnessed 15 straight misses and just want to offer a minor adjustment to their technique, the answer is always the same………”it just doesn’t feel right”.  Translation=I’m comfortable doing it the wrong way and I’m not gonna change.

We are all guilty of this; only willing to make changes and adjustments in cases where we see instant results, improvement, or gratification.

We only concern ourselves with making that “next shot”.  Five years from now, we still can’t shoot.  We lose our love for the game, doubt our value to the team, and basketball becomes a miserable experience.

How will I laugh tomorrow, when I can’t even smile today?

Make a choice to laugh tomorrow.  But making changes today doesn’t always mean that the laughter comes today.  Stay the course.  Change the future.

Make plans.

Make changes, even if you don’t see immediate results.

Obviously, we aren’t guaranteed of tomorrow.  But we don’t have to find ourselves in a mess when it does come …..because we ignore it today and fail to prepare for it.

Don’t settle for being comfortable doing things the wrong way.  Don’t be afraid to tackle difficult changes with an eye on the future.

 

 

 

 

Travel Sports and Sunday Games Are More Satanic Than Kiss Albums

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I’ll admit it.  Three of my kids have played travel sports.  They even played on Sundays.  Sometimes we missed church two Sundays in a row.  Shriek!

Their mother and me thought our girls would be the next Mia Hamm and our son is the next Lebron James.  And of course, if they are to go to college without paying for it, they need to play anywhere and everywhere and often.  Right?  No, not at all.

No, this isn’t another lengthy blasting of youth/travel sports taken too far by overzealous parents.  It’s more like a gentle reminder of the delicate balance that exists between sports and faith in our children.

Sports teach kids things that words and parental modeling alone cannot.  Teamwork, physical challenges, determination, overcoming adversity, and lessons in character just to name a few.
And sports can certainly teach an observant parent valuable lessons along the way (by watching other parents and coaches) in exactly how not to act.

I’ll skip right to what I believe to be the tipping point of that balance: when parents lead or allow their kids to believe that a sports game or practice is more important than their faith or church attendance.

When the traveling is over and your kids are beginning to make more of their own choices, what’s the message they have been hearing from their parents during their travels and adventures?  When they make their own choices about church attendance and involvement, what will they choose?  Which end of the scale are you pushing them toward?

Traveling time with family during the younger years is golden time.  The memories, experiences, and friendships made are priceless.  The absence from church services is temporary.  But the importance placed on faith must be constant.

That kid that missed 4 weeks of Sunday church service as a 9 year-old will be 15 before you know it.  The depth of their faith and the value it has in their life will not be dependent on where they spent those four Sundays.  It will depend largely on the message they receive from their parents over the course of the entire 52 weeks.

Teach well.  Make sure kids know that you’re not away from church because sports are more important.  Keep your eyes open for teaching moments.  As your kids get older, the moments become clearer.  Are you prepared for them?  And more importantly, how well have you prepared your kids for them?

A local basketball tournament changes schedules around and places your son’s team playing on Sunday.  Let him know it’s ok to choose to go to church and miss his game.  Let the choice be his, but lay out the steps for him to choose faith over sports.

Your daughter’s soccer coach holds practice on Wednesday nights during your church’s youth group activities.  Let the choice be hers to make.  Make sure she knows that you think it’s awesome if she makes the choice to attend youth group.

Encourage them to take those bold steps that say, “My faith in God is the center of my life.”

Yes, sports are a wonderful part of a child’s development in so many ways.  But they are temporary.  Parents have to be aware when the balance scales are tipping dangerously in the wrong direction.

“I can’t miss a single practice, no matter what.”  The tipping point is when parents adopt this same philosophy.

And like sports are temporary, childhood is temporary.  A big part of parenting is simply training up our children to make good choices as they mature.

Pave the way for these types of choices, encourage them:

“Coach, I won’t be at practice tonight.  I’m going to church.”

“Coach, I’m not going to soccer camp this year.  I’m going on a mission trip.”

“Coach, I’m going to miss some summer league games.  I’m going to church camp.”

Sometimes it doesn’t matter where you are on a given Sunday morning.  It matters greatly where your heart is and the lessons that your life speaks year-round.

Play hard.  Have fun.  Watch the scales.

The sports equipment goes to the yard sales and closets sooner than you realize.

Hopefully, most of us won’t wait til then to try to convince our kids how important a Christ-centered life is.

 

He’s a Good Boy…..When He’s Asleep

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Very few people have the ability to be obnoxious, even in their sleep.

I would be one of those people.

No, I don’t snore. Nor do I kick, punch, swear, or yell.

My sin of slumber?

The iPhone alarm with hand-picked tunes for an alarm tone.

I don’t see it as a problem.

But I am told that my wife hates it when Bohemian Rhapsody makes it all the way to the part where the Wayne and Garth start rocking out in the Gremlin…..and it fails to wake me.

Or perhaps a quick dose of Parry Gripp’s “Chimpanzee Ridin on a Segway”.

Sure to irritate every time.

And I’m a chronic snoozer.

But overall, everybody is on pretty good behavior during their hours of slumber.

It’s during those darn waking hours that we are destined to start screwing up.

And just like a spouse with an obnoxious alarm, it’s much much easier to get irritated with others’ shortcomings rather than our own.

Sometimes we have the luxury of avoiding offensive others.

But what about when those offensive others happen to be our children?

“_______ is acting like a complete moron.”

“Son, if you’re trying to get on my nerves, you’re doing a great job.”

“______ hasn’t hit a lick at anything all day.  It would be nice to have some help.”

So following years of faulty reasoning a bad parental reactions, it finally occurred to me…….

in ALL cases of poor habits and behaviors displayed by my kids, they learned them for me.

And even if in cases where I didn’t specifically teach or model pure forms of ignorance, obnoxiousness, or laziness, I failed in one of two simple areas:

1)  Consistently modeling good habits, behaviors, and reactions.

2)  Giving specific instructions in cases where I have specific expectations.

If my kids have small failures along the way, it’s because of me.  It’s up to me to make corrections.

Effective parenting dictates that the buck stops here when it comes to accepting responsibility for shortcomings.

When my kids seem to excel at something, the praise goes elsewhere.

Victories are a gift from God.

He will help you turn your next struggle into a victory when you humbly, patiently, and obediently look to Him for guidance.

Catch your kids doing something right and praise them for it.

Catch them struggling with something and know it’s up to you to help them work through it.

No blaming and complaining allowed.

No thinking “I got this, I’m good at this.”

No leaving God out of the plans (or the battles).

Give thanks always for the privlage of parenthood.

Don’t be too proud to ask for help.

And make it a point each day to look down on your children while they sleep.

A great reminder of a parent’s great responsiblility and great purpose in life.

A great reminder of God’s love for us and our dependence on Him.

Now go find some really bad music to set 5am alarm to……even if you have no intention of getting up.

Having a spouse talk about your stupidity promotes humility.