Image Is Everything?

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Kids need their parents’ approval.  They need encouragement.  Security.

But they don’t need to grow up watching their parents live as if the approval of the world is of great importance.

Galatians 1:10

New International Version (NIV)

10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

 

So how do we raise kids who are secure enough to walk around in public with their pants unzipped and leave home each day without looking in the mirror?

Maybe the first step is to commit to redefining “image”.  What do others think of me vs. what do others think of my God.  Sure, we can dress in Iron Maiden and Metallica shirts just to avoid the cookie cutter church guy image (but that qualifies as image management that should be avoided).  And when we do something nutty in public, and our kids say, “Dad!  What are people going to think?”, we can fire off that we don’t really care what people think.  We say we don’t care what people think, but do our actions really portray a life that revolves around pleasing God or trying to impress man.

Ultimately, parents need to consistently model for their children, a life of obedience to God.  Not a life where anything less than perfection is considered failure, but a life that displays daily choices and actions that paint a picture of surrender.  Peace comes from God’s love and living to please Him.  Choose daily to love others (not just the easy-to-love folks), serve others, give up our own selfish desires, and seek the character of Christ.

Just a few simple suggestions or at least some things to think about before our kids freak out because they can’t find a boyfriend or girlfriend at age 15 or post a selfie on Instagram that gets 100 likes (or whatever Instagram pics get?)  And why should anybody listen to me?  Because I have two boys (14 & 8) that have never combed their hair.  That pretty much qualifies me as an expert in leading children down the path of “I’m not real worried about what anybody thinks of my appearance”.

1)  Don’t complain about doing a good deed and not receiving praise or recognition.  You might be doing it for the wrong reasons.

2)  Do look for opportunities to praise and encourage others.  Pride fools us into thinking we are deserving of gratitude and recognition.   We can’t demand these things but we must give them to others.

3)  Serve others.  Put others before yourself.

4)  Don’t obsess over appearance (your own or your childrens’).  Avoid phrases like, “you’re not going out of the house like that”.  If their tail is clean and proplerly covered and their teeth are brushed, they are ready to face the world.  God doesn’t judge us by our neatly combed hair or having clothes that match.  Kill the “what will people think” mentality, early and often.

5)  Don’t play the fairness card.  Don’t even talk about it.  “If I do ___ , I deserve ___ . ”  “I’ve done twice as much work as my brother so I DESERVE _____ .”   Another part of the battle with pride.  Kids need to learn to do the right thing without reward.  Life’s not fair so suck it up, and all that great stuff our kids hate to hear.

6)  Love unconditionally, just as God loves us.  Appearance and performance can’t be viewed by children as a measuring stick of our love for them.  We love who they are and not how they look or what they accomplish.

7)  Don’t use overkill with the word “pretty”.  Beauty is on the inside.  Make sure your kids know it.

8)  Always be mindful of making choices based on the management of your image.  Am I trying to impress man?

The only “what will people think” that matters is “what will people think of my Lord because of the way I live my life”?  Can I influence them to follow who I follow?  Am I maintaining an image that influences others in some way that helps them find their identity as a servant of Christ?

You don’t have to like my hair or clothes, but on my worst days, I can’t do anything to turn someone away from my Savior.

 

 

 

I’m Not a Freaking Idiot

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we're not babies

Napoleon Dynamite gets offended when his grandma tells him that’s she sending a relative over to look after him and his 32 year-old brother while she is away.

I find myself getting irritated in much the same manner, getting fired up because I’m fooled into believing that I’m entitled to be treated or spoken to in a certain manner.

“Nobody talks to me the way!  Who do you think you are?”

When I was younger, I found myself in constant conflict, especially in the workplace because I thought somebody was insulting me, trying to push me around, or talking down to me.  Those conflicts have mostly disappeared over time because of two main reasons:

1) Consistent improvement in the basic ability to do the right thing.  One tends to get pretty defensive when one is challenged about something that you knowingly did wrong or failed to do at all.  It becomes much easier to stand your ground without becoming confrontational (and to let insults and challenges roll off your back) as you progress toward being a person who does what they’re supposed to do as well as doing exactly what you say you will do.

2) Learning (slowly) to recognize the times when my own pride leads me to react in ways that simply aren’t righteous or healthy in relationships.

Proverbs 14:3   A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them.

“I’m not an idiot.  I deserve a little respect.”

Respect is earned, not commanded……over time.  Obeying God’s commands consistently over time and serving others instead of self accomplishes this……over time, as long as we avoid the mentality of “hey, look at me” and “don’t they know what I have done, don’t they know who I am”.   I will concede that it does sometimes become necessary when dealing with our own children to paint them a little picture of sacrifices that are made for them in order to help them discover the concept of respect and gratitude.  But in general terms, if you are doing the things that earn respect, it shouldn’t be necessary to demand that someone show you respect.

Proverbs 13:10  Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

So as pride diminishes, so does strife, conflict.  But pride never quietly fades away.  We must always be aware of its presence, aware of the times when it falsely guides our thoughts, actions and reactions:
“Karrick, I’m going out the door, don’t fall back asleep and make Kal late for school.”  And PRIDE answers in my head, “yeah, I know, I’m not a freaking idiot.  I’ve been doing this for a while you know.  I deserve to be treated like a responsible adult here!”  But TRUTH says 1) I need to get my tail out of bed  2) I failed to earn respect because I have a history of fouling up little matters like this.
What about coaching basketball games, engaging in conflict with referees?  Not because of bad calls, that comes with the territory.   I say it often, but it’s a poor excuse for poor behavior, “I don’t mind bad officiating, I just can’t stand it when they’re jerks about it.”  Translation= they challenged me or took actions that tried to show me who was in control.  PRIDE on my part answered “I’m not looking for a fight, but I’m not taking a step back either”.  And……even though I tell my players to take care of the things that they control and the things that are important, I fail in that very area.  PRIDE tells me to keep taking steps forward.  Conflict escalates.  The things that are truly important in a basketball game, in life…….are pushed aside.  Derailed by pride.  Losing sight of things that are truly important: people, relationships, the direction of my influence, and my representation of my faith and my Savior.
It’s a dangerous thing to be distracted in life in instances where we allow ourselves to be controlled by feelings of “what we deserve”.  I’m certain that I don’t want to dig and fight too hard in this life for what I truly deserve.