Don’t Blink- You’ll Miss Something Funny

This is a collection of short stories (very short) of family humor posted on Facebook over the past year.

Al Bundy or Kal Bundy??

kal bundy

At Dairy Queen with my 7 year-old son Kal,

we ran into one of his buddies.

After visiting their table, he returned to ask me if he could leave

with them to watch a basketball game at a local elementary school.

I said, “sure son.”

Kal, “Thanks dad, I’m gonna go to the bathroom first.”

I hand him $2, “take this buddy, you’ll need it to get in.”

He paused and gave me a  puzzled look.

“I need $2 to get in the bathroom?”

blizzard

It’s always good to have plenty of good help when you’re putting groceries away.

We haven’t reached epic Duggar quantities of food yet, but for a family of 6,

any help I can get is valued.

“I know I bought biscuits, but I don’t see them in the fridge anywhere.”

biscuits in cabinet

Sometimes it takes creativity to stir the interest of kids in sports.

Sometimes they create on their own.

Poor picture quality so it’s hard to see the tambourine behind his back.

“Look dad, I can dribble and play the tangerine at the same time.”

Anybody have an accordian I can borrow?

kal tambourine

Staying up late watching Reds game with my good buddy Kal since we both had huge naps this afternoon.

So thankful for the steady stream of Viagra and Cialis commercials.

Been looking for a good chance to explain erectile dysfunction to my 6-year old.

cialis

Ipod wizard Kal introduced me to the voice command feature on my phone today.

My first command, “play Stormtroopers of Death”. (cd title is “Speak English or Die)

When Kal saw the album art come up on screen he said,

“Dad, that album is probably offensive to Mexicans.”

He may be right.  Political correctness wasn’t real big in 1985.

sod

On my knees crawling around in my shrubs, painting my porch front and steps.

Kept smelling something funky,

Realized that it was the distinct odor of human urine that I was crawling around in.

Then it all came rushing back to me…..bringing up boys…..that first time I uttered those magic words,

“just pee off the porch, son”

and how that evolved into a consistent, “hey dad! can I pee off the porch?”.

“Sure, son.  Pour it on.” (no pun intended).

Better than cat pee or dog crap I guess.

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