What Men Really Want (And why we don’t get it)

Can't always get what you want

Because we just don’t “get it”?

Ephesians 5:21-23

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

There is potential to have excessive amounts of fun with this one.  But since most who will read this know me personally (mainly my dear wife), I will refrain from following my first instincts of man humor.  But this list will not include fast cars, lottery winnings, and a “10”.

What do men really want?  Maybe that’s a terrible question.  What should men rightfully expect or hope for from their wives (and to some degree, from their families)?

1)  To be heard.  We hate to repeat ourselves because no one is listening.  We don’t like to be ignored.  We want our words to have value to others.  But……(Our words have no value to others.  They become absent of God’s truths, love, and wisdom.  Our words fail to encourage, build up, or lead in godly ways.  We speak in a tone of voice that would send us into orbit if someone talked to us in that tone.)

2)  Trust our judgement.  Men do not like to be questioned.  Not just major stuff like what’s for dinner.  Minor stuff like “are you sure we’re going the right way?”.  Mainly we are just like any other human; we don’t like to be treated like we’re idiots.  If we’ve made a few good decisions over the years, just trust us to make a few more.  But…..(How sound is our judgement?  How much thought actually goes into our decisions?  Does our thought process include God and His commands?  Selfish or selfless?)

3)  To be adored.  We prefer to spend our time with those who think we’re great.  But……(Obviously, we’re not, except in the eyes of our Heavenly Father and through His strength, love, and grace.  So we gravitate toward those who don’t grasp or suffer from our shortcomings.  We hide from accountability instead of making an honest effort to be a better husband.  It’s easier take the shortcut of spending your time with your kids, friends, and co-workers who tend to gratify you based on what you do instead of who you truly are)

4)  To be respected.  Treat us like you know we will work hard, do the right thing, treat others with kindness and respect.  But……(Duh, we just don’t earn it consistently over time.)

5)  Peace.  Not the kind that comes from knowing Jesus as your savior.  We’d just like to have an occasional dose of “a little slack”.  To rest, to be left alone, to fish, to golf, to do nothing for a day.  But…..(Our desire for “slack” is rooted in selfishness and laziness.  Not because we need to but simply because we want to.  Meanwhile our wives’ workloads double and our kids long for our attention…….I don’t know, maybe take your kid to the lake or golf course with you and ask your wife what you can do to help her?)

6)  Affection.  Did I mention that my wife and possibly my teen children and their friends might read this?   (Add up your failures in 1-5, talk to and listen to your wife, start bathing daily……..and you figure out the rest).

We want, we want.   But we usually aren’t willing to put out much of an effort if we are required to change our habits in any way.  Amazing changes happen in relationships when we submit to God’s commands, when we allow God to change us instead of living for selfish desires and demands.

Proverbs 3:5-7

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him,    and he will make your paths straight.[a]

7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;  fear the Lord and shun evil.

Ok, I didn’t really get into the whole “wives submit to you husband thing” (and I won’t).  My main hope is to challenge men to submit to God.  Take steps each day to make yourself a worthy leader of your family.  Not necessarily someone to be submitted to, but someone who loves and trusts the Lord.  And from that love and trust, grows a level of obedience.  From obedience, grows a desire to love and serve others.  And from a consistent effort to stay on the paths that God desires for you:

You just might find, you get what you need.

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