Daddy, I Did It!

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KR Macy Disney

Take a small child to a putt-putt golf course. Play 18 holes, don’t use a score card. See what happens each time they sink a putt, even if it takes 12 tries? They look back at mom or dad to see if you are watching. You may not hear the incessant “daddy, watch!”, but they look for you after each accomplishment, each small victory. Approval. Encouragement. Don’t be distracted by scorecards and schedules to the point that you miss countless opportunities each day to cheer them on. Teach them to believe in themselves.

Take a step back from the line of fire.  Don’t get so caught up in their actions that you miss their reactions.  At a Disney parade when a small child sees a favorite character up close for the first time, don’t watch the character.  Treasure the look of wonder on your childs face.  When they catch their first fish, don’t let your attention be taken by the darn fish.   Enjoy the look of accomplishment that glows in their smile.  First time they swing the bat and make contact with a ball, shut up about how they can do it better the next time.   Look on their face for a new look of confidence and triumph.

My three oldest kids have played three and four sports each.  My youngest son, even though he has been encouraged many times to try a sport, has never tried to compete in any sport.  Why had he never tried, in a sports-crazy family?  An overheard conversation with another boy, “because I’m just not good at any sports.”

Ouch!  And double ouch!  Lesson learned.  Encouraging someone to do something IS NOT the same thing as encouraging them to believe they can do it, to believe in themselves.  I’m not a child pschologist by any means (but I’ve seen every episode of Leave It To Beaver and Andy Griffith), but I assume that kids are always looking to their parents for their response, for their approval, for their encouragement……….because they doubt.  When we fail to chase away the doubt, it becomes fear, fear of failure I suppose.  Fear leads adults to be frozen in place.  Fear cannot lead our children to a life of “inaction”.

kal 5k

Recently, Kal finished a 5K race (his first, obviously).  I was caught behind him encouraging him along the route, so I didn’t get to see his face when he crossed the finish line.  Thankfully a dear friend captured a real treasure of a picture.  The look on his face,

“Mom, Dad, I did it!”

Take care to notice and celebrate each small victory with your kids.  Watch the looks on their faces.  Look for daily opportunities to teach them to conquer their fears.  It’s ok to fail………it’s not ok to be controlled by a fear of failure.

Are You Even Listening to Me?

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I ask my kids if they are listening to me.
“Yeah, I’m listening”
And they occasionally get the brilliant parent/coach comeback, “OK, repeat back to me what I just told you.” The results aren’t usually good.
Maybe an equally important question for parents is, “Am I even listening to you?” How would I fare if they turned the tables on me? Not too good. “Dad, are you even listening to me? OK, what did I just say?”
Honestly……..”OK son, I missed what you said because I was looking right over the top of your head to see if the Bengals were gonna blow another game. I quit listening because you’re not as important to me as this UK basketball game I’m trying to watch. I tuned you out because it is soooo important that I gather useless facts on Facebook and Twitter or write some thoughts in a blog (no, of course that’s not something I could do in the three hours I’m awake after you go to bed).”
Thankfully it’s not that bad. I learned a powerful lesson from my wife years ago when my oldest daughter (17 now) was a toddler. I was doing something totally right, totally by accident of course, and she caught me in the act. “Karrick, when Macy talks, you just look at her and hang on every word like it’s the most important thing in the world.” Well, uh…..it is. But I didn’t actually realize it until she spoke those words: 1) that I was even doing it or 2) the importance of showing our kids (and anyone else in our lives for that matter) that we value them simply by listening to their words.
Thanks to her lesson that day I have managed to get these situations right at least half the time instead of 10% of the time.
In a time where everybody has some sort of “device” in their hand or in their line of vision, it becomes more important than ever to remind ourselves that the most important interactions that we have throughout each day MUST come with the people who we share a room with…..especially when it’s our own children.
Listen to them now in their early years. They will continue to talk to you and listen to you in later years.
Treasure each spoken word. And be prepared to repeat them back when asked.

Life Is An Inside Joke

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stop eating all our steaks

I find myself so many times these days simply giving thanks to God for laughter.  Lying awake in bed at 3am, afraid that I will wake my wife because I’m shaking the bed with laughter because a funny thought from a funny moment earlier in the evening just keeps returning to my mind.  A knee-slapping, laughing until the danger of vomitting becomes real, people coming from the next room to see what’s going on type of moment.  A moment I shared with my youngest son in this case.   A memory made (a clean one too).  Wouldn’t it be great if we could fill our days and those of our children with memories of uncontrollable laughter?

Life is an inside joke.
When we fail to share laughter with others, we miss out on the joke. We don’t get it.  When we spend a lifetime laughing, the same jokes continue to make us laugh, time after time.  Little things that have no meaning or humor to others trigger a smile or a laugh with you and your partners in joy.  Sharing experiences with our children. Who are they building a wealth of inside jokes with?  Or more importantly, who are you (specifically dads!) sharing yours with? Golfing buddies, co-workers, male friends in general?  Laughing at crude, adult humor that you wouldn’t find so funny in the presence of your kids?  Seems harmless….I guess. But what’s wrong with trying to start an example of purity in yourself that you surely hope to see displayed by and around your kids. Man up. Grow up. Clean it up. Look for opportunities to find humor in life WITH your kids.
Start building a lifetime of laughter and “trigger memories” with your kids (inside jokes). You will GET IT tomorrow, because you were all there together sharing in it today.   Share your life with your kids. If you wouldn’t say it, do it, or watch it when they are around……you get the point.
Search for things in life you can do with your kids, experiences that can be shared……laughed at….remembered……and laughed at again, over and over.  I don’t particularly want my kids to be goofy.  But I sure hope they always know how to act goofy.  And I hope they see their dad doing it plenty.  I’m ok with raising a comedian.  I just don’t want them to think they need to sound like Richard Pryor or Andrew Dice Clay to get a laugh.

A little unicorn Thanksgiving humor always works.  I don’t really “get it”, but I’m sure everybody else in our family does.  And I’m sure we’ll all continue to get laughs from it years down the road.

maddie unicorn

Enter their world.  Let them into yours.  Share the laughter.

I’m Gonna Change My Name From “MOM”!

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DSC00516

Being a parent looks so easy when you aren’t one.

You have all the answers.  “If that was my kid…….”

When a baby cries during church service…….I’d take them out, of course.

When a child speaks disrespectfully in public to his parents……..I’d teach him respect.

When a child whines and cries and gets on everyone’s last nerve…….I’d give him something to cry about.

And then, you are a parent.  And you realize that you have no clue what you’re doing.

The lessons that you were so certain you could teach, they escape you because you have

entered some sort of survival mode.

You are so clueless that you don’t even know how clueless you are.

There is no vision for lessons to be learned or direction

of your parental influence because it’s all you can do to get through the day.

If you have now or have had two in diapers at once,

and possibly an older sibling or another on the way……

Consider yourself lucky if you read this from the safe confines of your home

and not from an institutional setting.

But you aren’t lucky.

You are blessed.

Surviving those early years as a parent isn’t easy.  Figuring it out as you go, trial and error.

Are we doing this right?

Sleepless nights, pulling out every possible ploy just to allow yourself to eat a meal.

And for moms, the phenomenon of struggling to find time to shower

(or use the potty alone).

You don’t give a flying fudgestick if your kids annoy other people in public because your life is a warzone.

Survival!

That day comes, you hear a baby squalling in church.  But it’s different now.

A wide smile takes over you whole face as you start looking around for that guy who’s thinking,

“if that was my kid…..”

You know now that it’s the sweetest sound in the world.

The days become more frequent when you can come up for air.

Kids can dress, feed, and bathe themselves.

Lost brain cells re-generate.  Perspective appears again.

This greatest realization comes at some point.

When you are blessed with children, every age is the greatest age!

Opportunities to teach lessons and learn them yourself,

they change in nature but not in number.

The joy of being a parent.  Some days, in the midst of life’s struggles,

you have to look harder to find it.  But it’s there.

Don’t become so occupied with life that you forget to look for the joy.

My own kids are 17, 15, 14, & 8 now.

I suppose having a senior in high school can bring one to a crisis of the mind.

For me, I find myself reflecting more now than at any other point in my life.

What did my wife and I do right as parents yesterday?

What can we do better tomorrow?

Now back to the original statement:

“I’m going to change my name from MOM”

Everyone has heard this humorous phrase in the world of badgering kids.

But in a world of badgering kids, there is no greater joy, blessing, or privilege

than being called MOM or DAD.

Each time we hear it, it should remind us that there is great purpose for our lives.

Every day that I hear the word “dad” (or daddy as my oldest still calls me),

it should remind me

that every day is the most important day of my life!

You Found WHAT in Your Kid’s Room?

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rooted in christ
People would normally expect to or fear finding the wrong things in teenager’s rooms.
I found this picture that my daughter had painted on the wall in her room.
I never noticed it before because the door covers it when it swings open.
Don’t know how long ago she painted it.
It reads Colossians 2:7 “rooted in Christ”.
Colossians 2:6 So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,
7  rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught,
and overflowing with thankfulness.
I’m thankful for people in my kids’ lives that help them grow the roots of their own faith.
Parents alone can’t do it.
I  live in a small town.
I love our small town.
I see evidence in my own kids and the kids in our community each day,
evidence of the influence of a body of believers who surround our children each day with love.

Matthew 22:36-39

 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

Great things happen when people simply love God and love others.
Lives are changed.  Hope appears in places where there was none.
I love our schools and I’m thankful for teachers who have a genuine concern for the welfare of their students.
I’m thankful for my kids’ friends and their parents who love my children like their own and watch over them when I’m not around.
I’m thankful for my church and all the wonderful people in our community who truly love our children
and try their best to steer them down the right path.
I’m thankful for coaches who see our kids beyond the next game or season, and try to envision what kind of character they develop.
Seeing this and reflecting on these things serves as a powerful reminder for me
of the difference that each of us can make, one child at a time.
I assume that most people are like me (not seeing yourself as possessing any great spiritaul gifts/talents).
We can all love.
Most of us don’t struggle with hate.  The struggle is with apathy & complancency.
We make choices every day, to live for self or live for others, to get involved or to turn our back and walk away.
Choose love.
Pray for our children, for their future.
And search for the determination to make a difference in their future.
Pray for parents and all who spend time with our children.  Encourage them.
Be rooted in Christ, not in our own shortcomings and weakness.
Acknowledge that our own inadequacies are overcome by a  mighty God
Let your life demonstrate the hope and the peace that we can have in knowing Jesus
I’m feeling sort of “mighty” now…..how about you?

Who Moved My Cheese and Spilled the Ketchup

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Patience.  Pass it on.
Maybe every parent can appreciate this commercial.  Every human can relate to it.
Powerful message and a not-so-gentle reminder of my own past failures in the area of patience with my kids.
A nice twist here is the fact that the gentleman is not only near the completion of his work, but he is also old enough
that the prospect of doing the whole project over again will not only be time-consuming, but also probably unpleasant
physically on a pair of 70+ year-old knees.
patience
His mind may be saying , “oh crap!”, but his reaction shows love and kindness.
Each time it airs, I’m flooded with memories of poor reactions on my own part.
Times I failed to exhibit patience with my own children.
Bad moods driven by the stresses of life and problems in my relationships with other people=
Shorter fuse when dealing with cases of kids simply being kids.
Reactions that come too quickly and too harshly.  Guilty.
Discipline without a display of love, teaching, or explanation.  Guilty.
Judgement errors in tone of voice and volume of voice.  Guilty.
The great value of a commercial like this?
Grabbing my attention today.
Causing me to reflect on my failings of yesterday.
Plan for better reactions and outcomes tomorrow.
Kids will be kids.  Bad things will happen, crazy things will happen.
“I will not react this way!”
Plan ahead.  Pray for strength and guidance for those times where life leaves you with your guard down.
“I will react this way!”  With patience, kindness, love, teaching.   (and discipline with purpose instead of anger).
ketchup
So when my 7 year-old son Kal opened the magnum-sized ketchup bottle lid side down while standing in front
of the refrigerator (and a good amount of ketchup did find its way to the kitchen floor), my initial thought was to deliver a harshly spoken dose of scorn, “Son!  What did you think was gonna happen?”
But I remembered the “Patience” commercial when I saw that look in his eyes that perfectly combined an “uh-oh” look with more than a
trace of fear of my reaction.
My initial poor response was replaced with a slightly better, “That’s called gravity son.  And it’s nothing we can’t fix.  I’ll help you clean it up.”
Pay attention today.
Make an honest evaluation of the past.
Remember our own imperfections when faced with someone else’s.
Plan for better reactions tomorrow.
Love, teach, influence in godly ways……….patiently.

Church Violence, WWE Style

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It’s always tough as a parent to teach those lessons that aren’t immediately understood.
Hard to know how to react when brotherly violence suddenly erupts in a church lobby.
russian bear
I witnessed 7 year-old little brother coming up quickly behind 13 year-old big brother.
I could see what was unfolding but I was frozen in my tracks, couldn’t react.
Impact.  Little brother rammed his head at full speed into an unsuspecting big brother’s back.
Big brother responded with a quick head-slap the sent little brother head first into the floor crying.
My first instinct was to head-slap big brother.
But that is the beauty of being blessed with four children.
The experience of knowing that big brother had absorbed the swift justice of an open palm to the back of the head
thousands of times before in his career as a WWE wannabe (wild Indian syndrome) when he only deserved hundreds……
led me to the point of showing some restraint.
My second instinct was to pick up little brother and hug on him.
But I waited.
I did nothing (so hard to not protect/defend/console the little guy)….
Until he stood up and buried his face in my belly crying.
And I laid my hand on his head and said, ” are you ok?”
And of course he was.
“Would that have happened if you hadn’t done something first that you shouldn’t have done?” 
No reply, but he knew the answer.
Consequences.
It’s easy to miss opportunities to teach kids lessons about the consequences of their actions
if we aren’t intentional and consistent in our efforts.
And it’s hard to teach what we sometimes fail miserably at ourselves.
How many times do we make a poor choice and try to blame someone else when the consequences smack us in the back of the head?
Most bad results that I encounter can be traced back to
1) Something that I did that I shouldn’t have done.  or
2) Something that I failed to do or adequately train someone else to do.  or
3) Poor planning on my part.
Real life application:  when I’m racing down the road to get my son to school before the tardy bell, it will certainly be the fault of the farmer in front of me driving 25mph in a 55mph zone if he is tardy.  It won’t have anything to do with the fact that I hit “snooze” 6 times and failed to do anything the night before to prepare for the morning scramble.
Maybe once I start practicing it better, then maybe somebody will believe me when I preach it.
When we make poor choices, bad results are sure to follow.
george the animal

Through the Eyes of A Child

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 kal cincy
A different perspective.
It’s good sometimes to see things through the innocent eyes of a child.
I took my 7 year-old son Kal to his first Reds game today.
The Clark Griswold came out in me (“getting there is half the fun”),
so we took the scenic route through the roughest parts of Newport, KY (vintage Pabst Blue Ribbon & Weideman signs on every corner bar,
wiedemann
steel bars over store windows, dirty streets, houses in disrepair…..”roll em up”).
I saw a crumbling 150 year-old brick house painted with a horrid color of blue, separated from the dirty street only by 3 feet of broken sidewalk.
But Kal saw it differently, “Dad, look at that pretty blue house.  That’s my favorite color.”
I saw a 77 Buick with a cracked & shredding vinyl top, unmatched paint and tires, and a spare tire sitting in the middle of the road for some unknown reason.
But Kal’s perspective was different once again, “Dad, look at all these old cars…..how cool they are.”
I saw block after block of hopelessness; homes, cars, and streets showing no sign of pride or upkeep, wouldn’t want to drive through it at night or walk through it in the day.
But Kal didn’t see it this way,
“Dad, what’s the name of this town?
These houses look like they might be haunted, and they’re pretty ratchet, but this place is awesome!”
I saw only signs of people struggling through a sad existence.
Kal saw things as being unique, special!
God has placed beauty…..good…..all around us. 
When we fail to see it or find it, it may be time to find a different perspective.
He also fills this world with beautiful people; God does not make mistakes.
We can’t simply love the obviously nice, pretty, and desirable people.
Refuse to judge by appearance.
Matthew 5:47  (New Century Version)  “And if you are nice only to your friends, you are no better than other people. Even those who don’t know God are nice to their friends.”
See things, see people…..through the innocent eyes of a child.
Search for a perspective that matches our Heavenly Father’s.
Hope for the lost depends on this.
Absence of hope only happens when we collectively judge “what someone deserves.”…..when we turn away……fail to love.
hilton head 2013 etc 116Seeing things for the first time, through the eyes of a child.