Just Buy the Paint

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“Raising Strong Daughters”,

That was going to be the name of this post.
But the thoughts and reflections have spun out of control.
What started out as four or five little points grows daily (over ten now).
I guess it’s not a coincidence that my oldest daughter turns 18 and leaves for college tomorrow.
It wouldn’t be correct to say that my life is flashing before my eyes.
But I do find myself drifting back to the day she was born (and all points in between). That wild combination of joy and fear. The realization that I was now responsible for the direction of the life of another person. A new awareness of dependence on God.
Eighteen years later……..I wouldn’t enter her in a dishwasher loading contest.
And she struggles with the concept of turning out lights in unoccupied rooms.
But for all those times I uttered that prayer,
“Lord, help their mother and me raise these children in a way that’s pleasing to You”,

I am beginning to see more clearly now the results of so many answered prayers.

Sure, there were so many times when I failed, as a dad, to listen for God’s answers, commands, and guidance.  Thankfully, as I have written before…”it takes a village”, (and she has a pretty awesome mom)

As she leaves home, I know she loves and trusts God.

She is strong.  I do not doubt her ability to make decisions.

When she was small, I never thought this day could be this way, but I am filled with peace and assurance because of the strength of her heart and character.

The moments continue flash through my mind.  What did we do right as parents?  What should we have done differently?  How did we get here?  And do I possess knowledge and experiences that have value to “younger” parents?

Hopefully I can share some insight that can help other dads (and moms?) with this and subsequent posts on the subject.

Just buy the paint.

I believe it was the summer after Macy’s freshman year of high school.  She told me she wanted to paint a mural in her bedroom.  Not just on a wall, on all four walls.  I doubted her.  My initial reaction, that I kept to myself, was that she would make a mess of the walls and be frustrated and disappointed with the result.

But when our kids believe they can do something, parents need to make it a priority to never tell them that they can’t.

“Daddy, can you just get me four sample-sized cans of paint in these four colors?”

I bought the paint.

The finished mural was “good”.  What was “great” was that she believed she could do it, and her belief led to action.

I bragged on her work and showed it off to visitors in our home.

Her artistic talents have progressed since then, and I am pretty amazed by the work she does now..

But I didn’t really do anything good as a parent.  I simply failed to do something really bad.  What if I had told her she couldn’t do it…..suppressed her creativity, her dream?  And worst of all, what if the message she heard from her dad was, “No, you can’t do that!”

Sometimes dads can be a great influence simply by recognizing mistakes before we make them.

When the opportunity arises, just buy the paint.  Don’t screw it up.  Look for AND create chances for her to create, figure things out on her own, and believe she can do anything.  Be your daughter’s biggest cheerleader.  And don’t ever tell her she can’t.

she believed

Travel Sports and Sunday Games Are More Satanic Than Kiss Albums

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I’ll admit it.  Three of my kids have played travel sports.  They even played on Sundays.  Sometimes we missed church two Sundays in a row.  Shriek!

Their mother and me thought our girls would be the next Mia Hamm and our son is the next Lebron James.  And of course, if they are to go to college without paying for it, they need to play anywhere and everywhere and often.  Right?  No, not at all.

No, this isn’t another lengthy blasting of youth/travel sports taken too far by overzealous parents.  It’s more like a gentle reminder of the delicate balance that exists between sports and faith in our children.

Sports teach kids things that words and parental modeling alone cannot.  Teamwork, physical challenges, determination, overcoming adversity, and lessons in character just to name a few.
And sports can certainly teach an observant parent valuable lessons along the way (by watching other parents and coaches) in exactly how not to act.

I’ll skip right to what I believe to be the tipping point of that balance: when parents lead or allow their kids to believe that a sports game or practice is more important than their faith or church attendance.

When the traveling is over and your kids are beginning to make more of their own choices, what’s the message they have been hearing from their parents during their travels and adventures?  When they make their own choices about church attendance and involvement, what will they choose?  Which end of the scale are you pushing them toward?

Traveling time with family during the younger years is golden time.  The memories, experiences, and friendships made are priceless.  The absence from church services is temporary.  But the importance placed on faith must be constant.

That kid that missed 4 weeks of Sunday church service as a 9 year-old will be 15 before you know it.  The depth of their faith and the value it has in their life will not be dependent on where they spent those four Sundays.  It will depend largely on the message they receive from their parents over the course of the entire 52 weeks.

Teach well.  Make sure kids know that you’re not away from church because sports are more important.  Keep your eyes open for teaching moments.  As your kids get older, the moments become clearer.  Are you prepared for them?  And more importantly, how well have you prepared your kids for them?

A local basketball tournament changes schedules around and places your son’s team playing on Sunday.  Let him know it’s ok to choose to go to church and miss his game.  Let the choice be his, but lay out the steps for him to choose faith over sports.

Your daughter’s soccer coach holds practice on Wednesday nights during your church’s youth group activities.  Let the choice be hers to make.  Make sure she knows that you think it’s awesome if she makes the choice to attend youth group.

Encourage them to take those bold steps that say, “My faith in God is the center of my life.”

Yes, sports are a wonderful part of a child’s development in so many ways.  But they are temporary.  Parents have to be aware when the balance scales are tipping dangerously in the wrong direction.

“I can’t miss a single practice, no matter what.”  The tipping point is when parents adopt this same philosophy.

And like sports are temporary, childhood is temporary.  A big part of parenting is simply training up our children to make good choices as they mature.

Pave the way for these types of choices, encourage them:

“Coach, I won’t be at practice tonight.  I’m going to church.”

“Coach, I’m not going to soccer camp this year.  I’m going on a mission trip.”

“Coach, I’m going to miss some summer league games.  I’m going to church camp.”

Sometimes it doesn’t matter where you are on a given Sunday morning.  It matters greatly where your heart is and the lessons that your life speaks year-round.

Play hard.  Have fun.  Watch the scales.

The sports equipment goes to the yard sales and closets sooner than you realize.

Hopefully, most of us won’t wait til then to try to convince our kids how important a Christ-centered life is.

 

We All Learn In the Yellow Submarine

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Summer vacation 2014.  Still waiting for a call from social services.  I don’t think the security cameras at Food Lion will be able to track my whereabouts since my wife paid cash, following the sudden eruption of violence between my son and me outside the checkout line.

Let’s travel back in time a few moments to the events leading up to the Food Lion incident.  Get out of bed at 4am, 11 hours on the road to Nags Head, NC.   10:30am breakfast, arrive at an empty cupboard beach house at 4:30 without any further meals.

Great plan, all the moms in our group make a trip to the supermarket and dads can order pizza.  The only problem with this is that over half the people vacationing here arrive on the island between 3 & 5 on Saturday (and arrive hungry).  Can’t even get through on the phone to order a pizza.  “That’s ok.  I can just drive to the Yellow Submarine and order it and wait for it.” (first mistake).  My 8 year-old son decides to go with me.  (second mistake?  nah).  Very busy place.  We are told it will be a 45 minute wait for our order.  No problem.

We decide to walk next door to the supermarket to find my wife and make sure the balance of junk food and health food doesn’t tip too far in the health food direction.  She is already in the checkout line with a full buggy.  As we approach and say hello, it happens.  Kal suddenly turns like Big John Studd and head butts me in the gut (a growling empty stomach).  It feels like a hit below the belt and I flash back to my junior year of high school in 1985 when boys drilled each other in the nuts for entertainment.  I reacted just like any 16 year-old would…….I punched Kal in the back…..right there in Food Lion……in the checkout line…..the 10-deep checkout line.

Talking quietly and deliberately to him even though my teeth were clenched tightly together, “I have told you to never do that to me!”

The look of horror on my wife’s face just said, “oh mercy, we’re gonna get our kids taken away”.  She might have possibly scolded me at this point, but maybe not…….

Kal and I turned and left Food Lion.  Both of us realized we had done something we shouldn’t have.  We killed a few minutes at Dunkin Donuts and returned to Yellow Submarine to wait for our order, sitting at a booth just inside the door.  It become evident that there was no way our order would be ready in 45 minutes.

My “how to be a better dad” instincts were on high alert now after the head-butt/back-punch incident.  I soon forgot about my travel exhaustion, growling belly, and headache that was coming on fast from not eating.  As I sat across the booth from my child, this precious gift from God, looking into his innocent eyes, questions started racing through my mind:

1) What kind of adult do I hope and pray that he will become?

2) How the heck can his mother and me lead him to be the person he needs to be?

3) Am I truly paying close enough attention to being the best dad I can be every minute of every day.

And almost comically, teaching moments seemed to come in waves in the coming moments (for both of us) as a large and very rude and impatient crowd had gathered around our booth waiting to pick up their orders.

“Dad, I’m starving.  When’s our food gonna be ready?”  (“You’re hungry son.  You’re not starving.  There are a lot of people in this world who will die because they have nothing to eat and lots who will eat nothing at all today.  We are thankful that we are going to be eating soon.)    A lesson in GRATITUDE.

People over our shoulder griping about being told it would take 40 minutes but it’s taking an hour.  “Son, I wonder what those people are gonna do with that extra 20 minutes they’re complaining about…..must be something pretty special.” Yeah, I know. Like my wife, you question the value of a little perspective of sarcastic wit?  A lesson in figuring out the reality of situations.

People over our shoulder, “This is ridiculous.  Let’s just cancel our order and get our money back.” (“Hey Kal, maybe if they cancel their order, we can buy their food at a discounted price.  I’m sure somebody back at the house will want it.”  **Always find a bright side, squash negativity, even if it’s not your own.**  A lesson in being POSITIVE.

People over our shoulder demanding that the counter help go back to the kitchen to find out how much longer their order will be (when they are abviously overwhelmed)  “Kal, what if every single one of these people waiting here did that?  If we did that, wouldn’t it be like jumping up and saying we are more important than everybody else?”  A lesson in HUMILITY.

People over our shoulder basically just being mean to the workers, “Kal, these people are doing the best they can.  They might be able to take care of 50 orders in an hour and they’ve had 100 come in.  They are doing the best they can.  It doesn’t matter if we wait here for another hour, WE ARE GOING TO BE KIND!”  (and I said it loud enough to embarrass some of the grumblers into hushing……….but I regret not doing more to defend some of these young folks who really were working hard).  A lesson in KINDNESS and putting ourselves in other people’s shoes. 

“Dad, do you think we’ll have to wait much longer?”  Strangely enough, if I hadn’t punched him in the back, I most likely would have answered his questions differently, like a simple, “hush son, I don’t know, I’m STARVING too”.  But instead I just answered his final question with “probably not much longer buddy.  If you’re bored, you can play games on my phone or we can walk around and look at some of the neat stuff on the walls.”  His reply, “Nah, I’m good”.  Little lessons learned I think.

Picked up my order, made a big production out of smiling and loudly thanking the workers and putting money in the tip jar (almost had to push the rude folks out of the way to do so).

The right way becomes so easy to see after you’ve painfully chosen the wrong way.   And sometimes it’s good to have strangers around to remind you how not to act when you’re eager to share wisdom with your kids.

 

 

 

It Takes A Village

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Dad and macy grad

I turned 46 last week.

In their birthday wish, someone jokingly asked if I had a funny story to share from the events of the day.

It’s usually not hard for me to come up with a tale of my own incompetence or seemingly planned misfortune.

Sure, I did fall backwards on my birthday while hand-trucking a refrigerator and it did sort of come down on top of me (but I’m so experienced and skilled at falling that I wasn’t hurt).

And I did spend two hours trying to remove the chipped and broken blades on my riding lawnmower.  Cut my hand open while impatiently separating the 3-pack of new blades.  And it only took me 20 minutes to attach the new blades the second time when I realized that I’d installed all three of them upside down the first time.

It’s almost as if I do stupid stuff for the purpose of telling good stories.

Laughing at myself comes naturally.  Perhaps speaking in general terms of being richly blessed seems natural too.  But puclicly counting blessings just seems awkward; more like bragging about our own good fortunes than about the goodness of God.

But…..today, I make an exception about “bragging”.

The biggest event of this week was not the birthday of a middle-aged man or his acts of goofiness.

A remarkable young lady graduated from high school this week.  Nothing remarkable about that.  Thousands of kids graduate every day at this time of year, and every parent thinks their kid is amazing.

But, Oh my gosh! When did my baby girl become this young lady?

And the mind of a parent spins and reflects.

The journey from birth to 18 years.

How did she become the person she is today?

I see obvious physical and personality resemblances to her mother and me that make me smile.

But I also see amazing character traits that go beyond the trial and error parenting journey that her mother and I have traveled for 18 years.

It is evident that God uses ordinary people to impact our kids’ lives in amazing ways as they are growing up.

Hindsight is a little clearer now of the awesome collective influence of these people……so I brag on them:

The Sunday school teacher who taught her about the love of Jesus.

The basketball coach who pushed her a little harder than she wanted to be pushed.  Lessons is toughness and determination.

The childrens minister who inspired a love for reading the Bible.

Grandmothers who were available for anything and everything around the clock year-around.

A student minister who taught her what it meant to love Jesus and keep a pure heart.

A piano teacher that pushed her to practice until she got it right.

Soccer coaches that helped her find the confidence to believe she could do anything she set her mind to.

Teachers who always managed to make her feel special in a classroom crowded with so many other kids.

The church Christmas program coordinator who whispered her lines to her as she repeated them so quietly that no one could hear.

Cross-country and track coaches that turned her loose and encouraged her every practice, every race.  Always believed in her.

Teachers who stirred her creativity and made sure she figured things out on her own.

Two younger brothers who were always secretly proud to say, “that’s my sister.”

Parents of friends who treated her like their own daughter.

A sister that shared with her every part of life.  A true best friend.

The student minister who celebrated her graduation in our church service, and handed her a microphone to hear her boldly and confidently tell of her plans to attend a Christian university and serve God in the mission field.

A mother.  A tireless worker.  Selfless.  Perfect model of a godly woman.

It takes a village to raise a child.

I’m thankful for the village that’s raising my children.

Pray for our children.

Pray…….and get movin.  Every child is amazing.  I bet God can find an amazing part for you to play in a child’s life today.

Thanks to all who have played a part in my daughter’s life (so far).

 

macy and pappaw grad

My Brother’s Keeper

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“Mom, Dad never has time to do stuff with me any more”.

Pretty sobering words relayed to me by my wife from my 8 year old son.  I responded in typical male fashion- defense mode, “I know, but I just can’t help it right now.  There’s nothing I can do about it”.

John 10:10

New International Version (NIV)

10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Life to the full.  What’s that supposed to look like for a follower of Christ?  Eternity is a long time.  Point our eyes toward heaven and do something while we are here and do it well.  We’re not on this earth long enough to sit still or to wallow in mediocrity.

I can’t offer the perfect formula for balance in life.  Like a training athlete, we have to be willing to push ourselves and to be pushed.  We can take on such an overwhelming load that God’s presence and strength obviously carries us through, and our faith grows.  Or we can fly around wildly, over-promising ourselves and under-including God and littering our world with a whole lotta C- efforts…..just getting by.  Maybe this is the way that many of us truly develep our trust in God, by failing and seeing more clearly our dependence on Him.  It’s the logical next step that comes after “I’m about to have a complete beakdown.  I can’t handle this”.  Either way, we learn of the importance of seeking His will and His strength and trusting Him more each step along the way.

Life to the full.  Wife and four kids.  Demanding job managing a family business.  Involved in church leadership and teaching Sunday school.  Coaching middle school basketball and Upward basketball.  Two daughters in high school track, cross-country, and soccer.   Doing laundry at 2am to make sure everybody has clean uniforms and underwear for the next day.  Certainly not taking advantage of all my opportunities but certainly not sitting still.

BOOM!  A lifetime of suffering with migraine headaches is taken away.  My basketball coaching load is taken away.  I have TIME.  I have prolonged clarity of thought for the first time in my life.  Clarity told me that I’ve been working 40 hours a week at a 65 hour a week job for the last 15 years in an effort to raise children that make a difference in this world (definitely not something I regret, but something that has left a stinky trail of mediocrity in its path).  So I’m not only tackling today’s problems with energy and focus, I’m backtracking and fixing yesterday’s problems, and preventing tomorrow’s problems.  Sure, now is the best time to do this.  It’s ok to work 60-65 hour weeks NOW.

“Dad never has time to do stuff with me now”

“There’s nothing I can do about it”

TRUTH.  When we are where God wants us to be, doing the things that He desires for us to do, He provides a way.  Satan provides excuses and we can’t wait to grab them and use them.  Most likely, the responsible thing for me to do in the short-term is to continue to work extended hours while I have the focus and energy to fix the results of my years of neglect.  But as far as finding time to do things with my youngest son, I can do something about it besides make excuses.  Claiming to be “tired” in the evenings is not an option.   Plan something and do it.  And don’t pawn off “dad duties” on mom or big brother.

And that brings me to the greatest point in this long and winding story.  When we are faithful (and apparently even when we are just somewhat faithful but willing to admit our failure) God provides a way.  When you are living for God, and there just doesn’t seem to be enough of you to go around as a dad (or a mom), He provides a way to fill in the gaps.  Special people……grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, coaches, youth ministers are there to provide that special something.  When that little voice in your head says, “I can’t do it all”, don’t give up.  Do your best and trust Him with the rest.  Obviously I can try harder as a parent, but I can see clearly now how God has filled in the gaps with an awesome mom and older brother.

My 3 great lessons for the week:

1)  It’s not acceptable to make excuses for not having or making time for our kids.  Plan it.  Do it.

2)  Where I have shortcomings as a father, I am so thankful these shortcomings seem to be perfectly offset and overcome by the strengths of my wife.  In the case Kal, our 8 year-old son, I’m thankful the God gave him the best mom in the world to do the exact things that I have failed to do (like teach him to ride a bike).

3)  Kal is truly blessed to have a big brother that takes care of him when the responsibilities of life call mom and dad in other directions.  Saturday, it was truly like seeing up close, the hand of God at work, as Kal’s 14 year-old brother selflessly devoted his entire day (and night) to playing with, entertaining, teaching,  and patiently listening to his little brother.  He takes care of his little brother, not because he’s been instructed to but because he wants to.  That’s not a normal teenage boy thing.   That’s a “what God’s love looks like” thing.  And it’s pretty cool to see when you aren’t really expecting it.

I can’t do it all.  But I don’t have to.  But I still have to try.  And I have to trust.  And mediocrity is not acceptable.

 

 

Daddy, I Did It!

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KR Macy Disney

Take a small child to a putt-putt golf course. Play 18 holes, don’t use a score card. See what happens each time they sink a putt, even if it takes 12 tries? They look back at mom or dad to see if you are watching. You may not hear the incessant “daddy, watch!”, but they look for you after each accomplishment, each small victory. Approval. Encouragement. Don’t be distracted by scorecards and schedules to the point that you miss countless opportunities each day to cheer them on. Teach them to believe in themselves.

Take a step back from the line of fire.  Don’t get so caught up in their actions that you miss their reactions.  At a Disney parade when a small child sees a favorite character up close for the first time, don’t watch the character.  Treasure the look of wonder on your childs face.  When they catch their first fish, don’t let your attention be taken by the darn fish.   Enjoy the look of accomplishment that glows in their smile.  First time they swing the bat and make contact with a ball, shut up about how they can do it better the next time.   Look on their face for a new look of confidence and triumph.

My three oldest kids have played three and four sports each.  My youngest son, even though he has been encouraged many times to try a sport, has never tried to compete in any sport.  Why had he never tried, in a sports-crazy family?  An overheard conversation with another boy, “because I’m just not good at any sports.”

Ouch!  And double ouch!  Lesson learned.  Encouraging someone to do something IS NOT the same thing as encouraging them to believe they can do it, to believe in themselves.  I’m not a child pschologist by any means (but I’ve seen every episode of Leave It To Beaver and Andy Griffith), but I assume that kids are always looking to their parents for their response, for their approval, for their encouragement……….because they doubt.  When we fail to chase away the doubt, it becomes fear, fear of failure I suppose.  Fear leads adults to be frozen in place.  Fear cannot lead our children to a life of “inaction”.

kal 5k

Recently, Kal finished a 5K race (his first, obviously).  I was caught behind him encouraging him along the route, so I didn’t get to see his face when he crossed the finish line.  Thankfully a dear friend captured a real treasure of a picture.  The look on his face,

“Mom, Dad, I did it!”

Take care to notice and celebrate each small victory with your kids.  Watch the looks on their faces.  Look for daily opportunities to teach them to conquer their fears.  It’s ok to fail………it’s not ok to be controlled by a fear of failure.

Are You Even Listening to Me?

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I ask my kids if they are listening to me.
“Yeah, I’m listening”
And they occasionally get the brilliant parent/coach comeback, “OK, repeat back to me what I just told you.” The results aren’t usually good.
Maybe an equally important question for parents is, “Am I even listening to you?” How would I fare if they turned the tables on me? Not too good. “Dad, are you even listening to me? OK, what did I just say?”
Honestly……..”OK son, I missed what you said because I was looking right over the top of your head to see if the Bengals were gonna blow another game. I quit listening because you’re not as important to me as this UK basketball game I’m trying to watch. I tuned you out because it is soooo important that I gather useless facts on Facebook and Twitter or write some thoughts in a blog (no, of course that’s not something I could do in the three hours I’m awake after you go to bed).”
Thankfully it’s not that bad. I learned a powerful lesson from my wife years ago when my oldest daughter (17 now) was a toddler. I was doing something totally right, totally by accident of course, and she caught me in the act. “Karrick, when Macy talks, you just look at her and hang on every word like it’s the most important thing in the world.” Well, uh…..it is. But I didn’t actually realize it until she spoke those words: 1) that I was even doing it or 2) the importance of showing our kids (and anyone else in our lives for that matter) that we value them simply by listening to their words.
Thanks to her lesson that day I have managed to get these situations right at least half the time instead of 10% of the time.
In a time where everybody has some sort of “device” in their hand or in their line of vision, it becomes more important than ever to remind ourselves that the most important interactions that we have throughout each day MUST come with the people who we share a room with…..especially when it’s our own children.
Listen to them now in their early years. They will continue to talk to you and listen to you in later years.
Treasure each spoken word. And be prepared to repeat them back when asked.

Life Is An Inside Joke

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stop eating all our steaks

I find myself so many times these days simply giving thanks to God for laughter.  Lying awake in bed at 3am, afraid that I will wake my wife because I’m shaking the bed with laughter because a funny thought from a funny moment earlier in the evening just keeps returning to my mind.  A knee-slapping, laughing until the danger of vomitting becomes real, people coming from the next room to see what’s going on type of moment.  A moment I shared with my youngest son in this case.   A memory made (a clean one too).  Wouldn’t it be great if we could fill our days and those of our children with memories of uncontrollable laughter?

Life is an inside joke.
When we fail to share laughter with others, we miss out on the joke. We don’t get it.  When we spend a lifetime laughing, the same jokes continue to make us laugh, time after time.  Little things that have no meaning or humor to others trigger a smile or a laugh with you and your partners in joy.  Sharing experiences with our children. Who are they building a wealth of inside jokes with?  Or more importantly, who are you (specifically dads!) sharing yours with? Golfing buddies, co-workers, male friends in general?  Laughing at crude, adult humor that you wouldn’t find so funny in the presence of your kids?  Seems harmless….I guess. But what’s wrong with trying to start an example of purity in yourself that you surely hope to see displayed by and around your kids. Man up. Grow up. Clean it up. Look for opportunities to find humor in life WITH your kids.
Start building a lifetime of laughter and “trigger memories” with your kids (inside jokes). You will GET IT tomorrow, because you were all there together sharing in it today.   Share your life with your kids. If you wouldn’t say it, do it, or watch it when they are around……you get the point.
Search for things in life you can do with your kids, experiences that can be shared……laughed at….remembered……and laughed at again, over and over.  I don’t particularly want my kids to be goofy.  But I sure hope they always know how to act goofy.  And I hope they see their dad doing it plenty.  I’m ok with raising a comedian.  I just don’t want them to think they need to sound like Richard Pryor or Andrew Dice Clay to get a laugh.

A little unicorn Thanksgiving humor always works.  I don’t really “get it”, but I’m sure everybody else in our family does.  And I’m sure we’ll all continue to get laughs from it years down the road.

maddie unicorn

Enter their world.  Let them into yours.  Share the laughter.

I’m Gonna Change My Name From “MOM”!

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Being a parent looks so easy when you aren’t one.

You have all the answers.  “If that was my kid…….”

When a baby cries during church service…….I’d take them out, of course.

When a child speaks disrespectfully in public to his parents……..I’d teach him respect.

When a child whines and cries and gets on everyone’s last nerve…….I’d give him something to cry about.

And then, you are a parent.  And you realize that you have no clue what you’re doing.

The lessons that you were so certain you could teach, they escape you because you have

entered some sort of survival mode.

You are so clueless that you don’t even know how clueless you are.

There is no vision for lessons to be learned or direction

of your parental influence because it’s all you can do to get through the day.

If you have now or have had two in diapers at once,

and possibly an older sibling or another on the way……

Consider yourself lucky if you read this from the safe confines of your home

and not from an institutional setting.

But you aren’t lucky.

You are blessed.

Surviving those early years as a parent isn’t easy.  Figuring it out as you go, trial and error.

Are we doing this right?

Sleepless nights, pulling out every possible ploy just to allow yourself to eat a meal.

And for moms, the phenomenon of struggling to find time to shower

(or use the potty alone).

You don’t give a flying fudgestick if your kids annoy other people in public because your life is a warzone.

Survival!

That day comes, you hear a baby squalling in church.  But it’s different now.

A wide smile takes over you whole face as you start looking around for that guy who’s thinking,

“if that was my kid…..”

You know now that it’s the sweetest sound in the world.

The days become more frequent when you can come up for air.

Kids can dress, feed, and bathe themselves.

Lost brain cells re-generate.  Perspective appears again.

This greatest realization comes at some point.

When you are blessed with children, every age is the greatest age!

Opportunities to teach lessons and learn them yourself,

they change in nature but not in number.

The joy of being a parent.  Some days, in the midst of life’s struggles,

you have to look harder to find it.  But it’s there.

Don’t become so occupied with life that you forget to look for the joy.

My own kids are 17, 15, 14, & 8 now.

I suppose having a senior in high school can bring one to a crisis of the mind.

For me, I find myself reflecting more now than at any other point in my life.

What did my wife and I do right as parents yesterday?

What can we do better tomorrow?

Now back to the original statement:

“I’m going to change my name from MOM”

Everyone has heard this humorous phrase in the world of badgering kids.

But in a world of badgering kids, there is no greater joy, blessing, or privilege

than being called MOM or DAD.

Each time we hear it, it should remind us that there is great purpose for our lives.

Every day that I hear the word “dad” (or daddy as my oldest still calls me),

it should remind me

that every day is the most important day of my life!

The Model Father

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How do we measure the lasting effect of a father’s influence?

I’m 45 years old.  I still make daily decisions under the thought process of,

“how would my dad handle this situation?”

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Why?  Not because he ever micro-managed any aspect of my life at any point.

Not because he talked so much that I quit listening.

My father has modeled for me through the years the simple practice of doing the right thing, making good decisions.

How long will my influence last in the lives of my four children?

When does the talking and the hands-on teaching start to fade away and give way to the

practice of consistent modeling for a Christian dad (or mom)?

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Teaching moments come in obvious forms when our children are small.

Their blunders are obvious.  The inquisitive questions are many.

But what may not seem obvious is that our time with them and their dependence on us diminishes with each passing day.

Before you realize it, your kids aren’t kids anymore.  They become teenagers, young men, young ladies.

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They don’t particlarly want to spend too much time in the presence of their dad anymore (shocking, right?).

You may reach some strange realization that your role as a father is diminished.  You just aren’t “needed” for much anymore.

What happened to the days when you sat in the floor coloring, playing board games, wrestling?

The days of being bombarded with goofy questions?  “Why daddy?”  “When daddy?”

Those days are gone.

What is my value in their life now?

Same role that it has always been for anyone who takes seriously the privilege of being called daddy.

Teacher, protector, mentor, provider……..model.

Your children are no longer standing over your shoulder watching your every move and bombarding you with questions.

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But they’re still watching.  In many ways, their need for you may be greater than ever during their teenage years.

The opportinities to be a positive impact in their lives haven’t gone away, they’ve just rearranged a bit.

Do your kids hear people only talking about the importance of prayer and bible study?

Or do they witness their parents consistently doing these things?  Do they see that it’s a priority in your life?

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To understand the importance of Christian modeling by parents is to come to realize that each day is filled with endless opportunities to do great things that will make a lasting impact in the lives of our children.

How will they understand the concepts of love, grace, and obedience to God if we don’t bring these things to life consistently in their presence each day?

So many chances each day……to do the right thing…..to simply obey God, even when it’s not the easiest path to take.

They may not be asking questions, but they’re watching.  And they’re grading you.  Do your actions match up with what they’re learning that it means to be a Christian?

Every word, every encounter, every day, they all count.

Honesty, integrity, and purity in every situation.  No exceptions.

Treating others with kindness, respect, and love.  Choosing our words and tone of voice wisely.  They’re listening.

Grace.  Do we forgive?  Do we quickly admit our own mistakes and ask forgiveness?

I’m not sure when kids pass that tipping point of whether or not they still want to be just like dad when they grow up.

But I’m positive that if I give my best effort each day to obey God and to match my own character with that of my savior Jesus Christ……

that desire will never leave them.

Seek the type of lasting impact that has positive eternal consequences.

OK, I guess I really am still needed around here!